Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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