I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
