dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
