I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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