This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
