i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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