Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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