You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize