first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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