Small penises have feelings too.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Pooping to opera.
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