I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
