sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
