jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
