My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
