we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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