o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
