If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
