Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
