I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
