One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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