I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
