smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
