I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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