Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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