I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
