I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
4 words: hood of his car
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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