i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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