Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
