Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
