I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
