is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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