you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
