I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
