I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize