you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
