My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
