We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize