I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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