my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
