Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
