theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
