Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
