The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
