I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
