Sponge bath it is.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
