I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There was a lot of him and a little penis
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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