you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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