apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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