He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
