11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
