She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
