Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
