end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
