Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
