i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
