I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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