O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
