Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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