my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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