that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
