i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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