problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
