There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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