I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
