She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
