I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
