Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
