To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
