I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
