it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
