dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
