u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it because I queefed?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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