DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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